*sigh* i wish sometimes that for the life of me i could tell all finally, and not have to hide... im happier now than i ever was this night or week for that matter, and all for a simple act most wouldnt notice or care about... i dont even think it is realized that it would have caused so much joy, except for the fact that i notice, and feel this way... once again wishing for that i cannot have, i hold again onto the dream of one day... i hold onto hope as long as i can... its my only direction in life... i live to serve... never has it been more true...

soo.... a few days off and what happens? people send me emails that are urgent and should be answered within hours... and i wasnt here to read them... so i missed them... but who cares, as my life now revolves around strategy and conquering lands for money, power and more troops! yes, im talking about Medieval Total War and Shogun Total War.... both are fun, and so far ive annihilated around 6000 peasants in the first and 5000 yari ashigaru in the next... its fun, and much destruction is appreciated in my life... try it sometime, you might find its whats missing in your life... all the death... all the chaos as my 16 kensai annihilate single handedly 1500 yari ashigaru and 100 samurai archers... god i love kensai.. the ultimate warriors... i wish i could do what they do... but i cant... but thats why i have swords on the way to practice... but who cares around here anyways!